


When You Grow Up

by KoboldKing



Category: Spooky's Jump Scare Mansion
Genre: GL Labs, Gen, Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 14:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14263575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoboldKing/pseuds/KoboldKing
Summary: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Spooky never got to grow up, but that doesn't mean she never became anything. Nowadays she's the boss of a whole laboratory facility! The best boss ever, in fact! Come see how great of a boss she is!





	When You Grow Up

_What do you want to be when you grow up?_

Spooky could remember when _everybody_ wanted to ask her that. It was pretty much the only thing any grown up cared about! Hey little child, what do you want to be when you're not a child anymore?

That thinking was fallacious, a word which here meant "just kind of dumb and silly." It kind of ignored all the stuff she loved doing as a child, and assumed that the only time that mattered was gonna be when she was a grown up. Like, all of a person's essence was meaningless except for the time when you're about eighteen to the time when you're about eighty. And those were the most _boring_ years an of an essence's existence anyway!

A child could spend all her time reading awesome horror stories and scaring people, but if a grown up lawyer tried to do that, they'd probably get thrown right out of the courtroom! Or what if a doctor skipped all their doctor studies to read horror and tried to scare the sick out of someone? They'd get their medical license taken away! What if the President went in front of all forty-eight states and screamed "Boo!" at them over the television, scaring millions of people at one time?

...actually, that one would be really funny. Maybe someday she'd get to be President and she could do that.

Spooky giggled to herself as she floated through the floors of her magnificent ~~house of jump scares~~ jump scare mansion, twirling in delight through every level.

"Hey there, Tim!"

Specimen 2, or as she sometimes called him, Tim, didn't look up, too busy savagely mauling some sap who came into the mansion. Specimen 2 was doing what Specimen 2 liked to do, which was tear open the guy's whole torso and start ripping out all the squishy bits so he could devour them all while he was still alive. Specimen 2 was kind of a fussy eater that way! It was kind of like how Spooky used to refuse to eat her hamburger unless there was _just_ enough catsup on it.

Except hamburgers never screamed in agony and begged sobbing for their mother while their innards were being chewed up and swallowed. Hamburgers were way more quiet and respectful of their eaters. This was why hamburgers were a better meal for friends and family to share than live explorers!

Grimacing a bit at the loud noises and the thought of spending an eternity with this crying doofus, Spooky went ahead and floated down another couple of levels. Her good friend Specimen 4, or Ringu as she knowed her as, was also having lunch! Or, sort of. She was kinda shoving a live person down her throat so he could slowly rot in her stomach and she could pretend she was pregnant again like she was back when she was alive. Ringu was kinda weird that way, but Spooky loved her anyway. Friends understood each other's hobbies!

Spooky really needed to pick better times to visit, though, 'cause mealtime really wouldn't do. Even ghosts couldn't talk with their mouths full. Maybe not pass through at lunch time if she could help it...? Of course it was hard to guess when Ringu would do her whole-human-devouring thing, 'cause she always ate breakfast too late or too early.

Ah well. She wasn't really here to visit anyway. She was actually on the move for official ghost business.

See, it all went back to that old question; _what do you want to be when you grow up?_

'Cause everyone is _someone_ when they grow up, even the people who never grow up. Sometimes _especially_ the people who never grow up. Spooky never got to go to high school or college or President school, but she _did_ wind up being the head of a pretty big business. A ghost business. Degrees weren't everything!

Running a ghost business could be hard work, though. That's why it was important to pick the right staff and pass out promotions to everyone who needed one. Here lately Spooky had been passing out promotions to the different branches of the businesss like candy. Sweet, delicious, poison candy.

She passed through a few more specimen chambers before arriving at a sterile white laboratory, men in labcoats all over the place. Many of the older ones started intently staring at the walls when she floated up, while the newer ones regarded her with quick, nervous glances that they hoped she wouldn't notice.

They were so cute. Which also meant they were _completely_ unsuited for the grand plan.

The man of the hour, one Dr. Matthew Patterson, looked up to stare at her head-on. There was a bit of uncertainty in his eyes, but he was determined to meet his fate with a stare.

Much better! Spooky was proud of him.

"There you are!" she sang happily, gusting forward to him. She bobbed in place at face level, looking him up and down.

"Ms. Spooky," he said hesitantly, cracking a faint smile. The _ghost_ of a smile. Ha!

"Just Spooky will do! We're not big on formalities here. We have fun!" She beamed at him, turning to the rest of the GL lab slaves. "Do you all know why you're here?"

There was a lot of awkward shuffling until one finally ventured to look up at her. "...Dr. Patterson has earned a promotion?"

Spooky gasped, staring at him with the widest eyes she could possibly make. Every scientist stood still in horror, trying to make sense of her reaction.

"You..." Spooky said in a hoarse whisper... "Are absolutely... RIGHT!"

Confetti rained from the ceiling! Spooky produced a streamer out of nowhere, which she blew on with enthusiasm! She brought out a birthday cap and affixed it to the doctor's head.

"Dr. Patterson here has done an _excellent_ job since he came here," she gushed, putting an ethereal arm around his shoulders. "When CAT-DOS went down, this great guy got the whole system running again! And when nasty ol' Specimen 9 got out, who rounded him back up and tried his darndest to take him apart? _This guy!_ "

"I'm... just doing my job, Spooky." The guy put another good smile on the situation.

"I like that," she sang. "I like _you._ I am so glad I had you kidnapped from Cambridge and forcibly conscripted into working here! Aren't you guys?"

The other scientists did their best to laugh and nod, shooting a couple of apologetic-looking smiles at Dr. Matthew Patterson.

Doc... tor... Math... ewww... Paaaatt... errr... sooonnn.

"That's an awful name," Spooky mused outloud. "'Matthew Patterson.' Too long. Too stuffy. Too formal. You need a nickname!"

"If that would please you, Ms—I mean, Spooky."

"I got it!" A lightbulb came on over her head. She needed to talk to her enslaved electricians about that. "Matthew Patterson, you're gonna be... MatPat!"

"I... suppo-"

"No! Actually, that's taken." Spooky pouted, crossing her arms as she floated in place. "I thought it was a good scientist nickname, but a different kind of guy who makes theories took it. Not that he ever made a theory about _me,_ so why should I care?"

They were looking flabbergasted. Spooky sighed. "I guess I'll have to find you another nickname," she said forlornly. "It'll take a while, but we have all the time in the world. After all, you're being promoted!"

"I believe you have mentioned that." Not-MatPat licked his lips, looking nervous. "May I ask... what exactly this promotion entails?"

"Yes! You may definitely ask! Questions are great!"

"..."

The scientist sighed after a long pause. "...what exactly does this promotion entail?"

"Dunno yet!" Spooky exclaimed cheerfully. "It's less that I have a specific job in mind for you and more that you're being _generally_ promoted. You're leaving your entry level position as a GL lab slave and moving up to be one of the top scientists I keep on retainal!"

At this he looked quite surprised, and also a bit alarmed. Silly man. "I... thank you, Spooky? I don't know what to say."

Spooky grinned, and snapping her ghostly fingers to make a door come open. "You can say... Jessica! It's been years since I saw you!"

The scientist gave a start and then swiveled around, his eyes widening as far as a human's eyelids would let them. Standing in the doorway was a beautiful woman with long dark raven hair and kind eyes, which watered when she saw him. They ran to embrace each other.

"Since you're being promoted, we found the wife you left behind in England!" Spooky said warmly. "We told her you were here, and she wanted to come! Being promoted means you get _special_ treatment. I'm a good boss!"

The two were having a happy tear-filled reunion, kissing and holding onto each other and just overall being one of those icky romantic couples. Spooky thought it was pretty gross.

Finally Dr. Patterson pulled away long enough to regard Spooky with glistening eyes. "Thank you," he said softly. "Thank you so much. I never thought I'd see her again..."

"Don't mention it," Spooky said assuringly. "I wouldn't separate true love! I mean, marriage is all 'till death do us part' and stuff, right?"

He nodded and started kissing her again. Ugh. Spooky put two fingers in her mouth and whistled.

"Ta da!" she sang. "Not only did we find your wife, but we _also_ brought your dog!"

"Rocky?!" The scientist exclaimed in shock and confusion, looking as bewildered as he was pleased. He got down on his knees as the other GL lab slaves brought in a big St. Bernard dog, which bounded over to his master with a delighted woof. He started petting the dog, which like his wife started planting wet kisses all over him.

"Is that all?" Spooky mused out loud. "The answer to that is... no! Come on guys, bring it all in!"

More GL lab slaves brought in even _more_ stuff! Matthew Patterson looked around as though in a daze, unable to process it all.

Spooky floated circles around his head, shouting in excitement. "That's right! We found the teddy bear you lost when you were eight! Give Mr. Snuffles a hug! We also found your favorite ice cream shop from when you were a teenager and had them make a cone of your favorite flavor, butter pecan! Take a good lick! _And_ we have a shelf full of your favorite books, and a compooter with all your favorite games, and the kindly old lady who lived down the street from you here to tell you how proud she is of you!"

Patterson looked legitimately choked up. "I... I don't know what to... _thank you..._ "

"I just want to make this the most perfect moment of your life." Spooky gave a big smile and floated down to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind while turning solid enough to give him a big hug. "I'm a great boss! I want to make all my employees happy. After all, it would be a crime, a complete _tragedy_ if one of my best guys got anything less than the best."

The scientist accepted the hug, still looking tearfully at his wife as she looked at him. The poor guy had been through a lot this past month, and now the sudden kindness was basically overwhelming him.

That made it all the more tragic when Spooky produced a knife and sliced his throat open.

There was a chilling silence in the air as the rest of the room tried to process exactly what had just happened, but Spooky didn't waste any more time. Humming happily she began stabbing Dr. Patterson over and over again, perforating his horrible fleshy body with holes and letting his blood splatter all over the white laboratory walls.

The silence was empty but for the gruesome rending of a bloody knife.

His wife screamed. His dog barked furiously, barely restrained by the other lab slaves from rushing to him. The kindly old lady who used to live down the street from him had a heart attack. Dr. Patterson himself only gurgled, and as the last stab of the knife poked right through his skull and mangled his brain he slumped to the floor and expired.

_What do you want to be when you grow up?_

No one ever asked grown ups that, even though it was still the most important question of all for them. 'Cause being a grown up wasn't where it ended. Not if you were lucky.

Dr. Patterson floated up above his old body, wispy and transparent like Spooky herself. He looked confused, but the warmth and gratitude he'd felt in his final moments were still etched into his eyes.

Spooky shook him by the hand, throwing the knife carelessly behind her. She heard one of the other lab slaves scream, but ignored him. "Welcome to the best day of your life, Matty!"

"I don't know what just happened," he said slowly.

"Don't worry about that," Spooky said soothingly. "Just know that you got promoted from your entry level position to a permanent member of this facility. You are now _Ghost_ Dr. Patterson. There could be shows about you! Wouldn't that be spiffy?"

"I suppose..." Ghost Dr. Patterson blinked, but then gave a warm and genuine smile. "If that's what you want, Ms—I mean, Spooky."

Spooky beamed at him and then turned in place, facing the other lab slaves and giving a dismissive wave to the dead scientist's wife, dog, and old neighbor. "Alright-y, go ahead and clean all this up. We've got hungry specimens in here."

Jessica was crying in terror and confusion as she was dragged away, and the dog was still desperately fighting to get to his old owner. But soon they were gone, and Spooky decided this had been a day well spent. She floated out of the lab humming happily, as other ghosts floated in to show Ghost Dr. Patterson the ropes of his new existence.

Having died in the middle of a rare rush of gratitude, that was how he'd think from now on. Ghosts always held on to whatever thought they'd had when they died. Tim, aka Specimen 2, had been starving to death and cannibalizing the other victims of his plane crash when he died. So that's what he did for all eternity... cannibalize people. Ringu had been a mother weeping for the miscarriage of her baby when she died, and now that was all she was going to think about for all time. Spooky herself...

She avoided those thoughts. She liked to think she was a little something more special than other ghosts. Point was, Ghost Dr. Patterson would spend the rest of eternity being grateful and happy towards her, no matter what else happened. That was what his entire life had been leading up to, whether he knew it or not.

_What do you want to be when you grow up?_

That question was narrow, a word which here meant "not looking at the big picture." Because being a grown up wasn't what your life was building up to. Being a child was important because it was your beginning, but being a grown up was just the bridge to what your life was _actually_ building up to... your death.

'Cause if you died in _just_ the right way, you could join the ghost business. That was the best business, with the best benefits and the best boss.

In the ghost business, life was just an entry level position.

More than that...

Dying was when you finally grew up.


End file.
